Funny Dictionary Definitions for Common Words

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
multiplied by the
number present

ATOM BOMB:
An invention
to bring an end
to all
inventions

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
from the notes of the lecturer
to the notes of students
without passing through the minds
of either

POLITICIAN:
One who
shakes your hand
before elections
and your Confidence
Later

PESSIMIST:
A person
who says that
O is the last letter
in ZERO,
Instead of the first letter
in OPPORTUNITY

OPPORTUNIST:
A person
who starts taking bath
if he
accidentally falls
into a river

MISER:
A person
who lives poor
so that
he can die RICH!

PHILOSOPHER:
A fool
who torments himself
during life,
to be spoken of
when dead

BOSS:
Someone
who is early
when you are late
and late
when you are early

DIPLOMAT:
A person
who tells you
to go to hell
in such a way
that you actually look forward
to the trip

ETC:
A sign
to make others believe
that you know
more than
you actually do